


Strengthened by family

by Queroze



Series: Family ties [3]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Morality | Patton Sanders Angst, Morality | Patton Sanders Needs a Hug, Morality | Patton Sanders-centric, Prequel, Sad Morality | Patton Sanders, Sad with a Happy Ending, but you don't have to read the rest, i can't not write a happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-16
Updated: 2020-02-16
Packaged: 2021-02-28 03:01:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,971
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22746721
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Queroze/pseuds/Queroze
Summary: Patton is sad after Christmas.ORa Prequel/backup story to  my "Family Ties" AU, and how the bedrooms came to be.
Series: Family ties [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1578208
Comments: 3
Kudos: 56





	Strengthened by family

Patton loved Christmas.

The lights, the gifts, the sense of family and togetherness, it was everything Patton lived for.

Patton however did not enjoy December 26th.

Every year he felt like the floor dropped out from under him. The other Sides, exhausted from the holiday, always ended up taking time to rest after Christmas. That meant each of them would send a day or two recharging. _It **is** important to take care of yourself. _This year found Patton alone, laying on the sofa in the living room on the 26th, reflecting on the past holiday season.

Christmas day had been incredible! The gift giving collaboration between Roman and Logan was a highlight. The socializing that Virgil and Roman did was absolutely fantastic this year due to them working so well together. (Rather than being at odds with each other like in past years). And Logan and Virgil’s teamwork on keeping events scheduled and squeezing as much into the season as possible, (while avoiding burning Thomas out) was graph paper perfection. _And I was involved with it all it this year. Then why am I in the same funk I am in every year?_

The funk had started, as it usually did, after the last event. Thomas had come home to only the Christmas lights on. It had felt different coming home this time knowing that there would be no more gifts to give, no more cookies to bake and no more friends to see. It had made Thomas’s heart a little sad. In the family room of Thomas’s mind the four Sides had been lounging around, sipping warm mugs of Patton’s-super-special-candy-cane-hot-chocolate.

Virgil was relaxing in the leather chair, two hands around his mug, eyes dropping closed. Logan was on the sofa, propping his head up with his left hand, his right holding his half mug of coco on his knee. Then Patton was happily in the middle of the sofa. Then Roman was on his right, his coco forgotten on the side table, his head tilted back, snoring loudly.

“I think it is time we retire for the evening.” Logan spoke slowly, as if it took all his effort to even think about moving.

“I think Princey has already retired.” Virgil snarked softly.

“Are you guys sure? We could have a sleepover!” Patton offered the two Sides who were still managing to stay awake. _Just a little longer…._

“I’m sorry Pops, but I gotta get back to my room. Been away for a couple of days.” Virgil said into his coco mug with a sleepy shrug.

“Virgil is correct; we have spent the last 2 nights in the common area with the festivities. It is important for us to return to our native parts of Thomas’s mind to… renew our energies.” Logan’s explanation, while detailed, lost a little impact with the yawn that interrupted near the end.

“How about Roman? We will need to wake up, and he has already fallen asleep.” Patton tired to reason. _Anything to keep someone here, I don’t want to be lonely._

“That’s an easy fix” Virgil said as he got up, and kicked Roman’s legs, causing the creative Side to startle awake. “Go to your room. You’ll get better rest there.” Virgil said seriously, with a blanket wrapped around his shoulders.

Yawning, Roman nodded as he stood up. “Fantastic Christmas to all! And to all a good night!” Roman sunk out.

“See? Easy.” Virgil followed suit sinking out with a sluggish wave.

“I will see you in the morning.” Logan stood and taking his coco with him sunk out last.

That is how Patton found himself laying alone on the sofa, looking at the clock, a minute after midnight on the 26th. _What if they come back? I can sleep here until the morning. Then if someone wakes up in the middle of the night I’ll be here waiting._ Sure he was tired; tired in a way he knew sleep alone wouldn’t cure. But what if he left? Then he wasn’t reachable by his family, and they wanted to see him? That would just be unacceptable. He wanted to be available. What if there was an impromptu taco night tomorrow, and nobody came and got him, and he missed an opportunity to spend time with his loved ones? Patton was sure that if he just stayed the night in the living room, he would see them all that much sooner.

And thus his reasoning continued until New Years Eve. Patton saying goodnight to his family as they all sunk out, none of them the wiser that he was staying in the living room, waiting for them to come back. It didn’t seem to help his post Christmas funk. In fact the funk typically only lasted a day or two. This year Patton felt off until New Years Eve. And that’s when everyone else noticed.

While the Christmas holiday was always filled with outings, New Years was traditionally a more homey type of holiday for Thomas. Some years would see a few friends over, sometimes just Joan. But in the mind palace it was a very different story. It was when all the Sides let loose and blew off all the steam they had built up over the long holiday season.

Logan’s tie would come off, Roman’s sash would be left on the floor and Virgil’s hoodie would be tied around his waist. This year was no different. The three Sides who had recharged were throwing the loudest party they have all year. But Patton just sat on the sofa, staring blankly at the other three.

He thought that he was happy that they were around. _I really am happy. Right? This is what I have been wanting. Right?_ _Maybe we will have a sleep over in the living room tonight, and I’ll be happy then._ That would be normal for a New Year’s Mind Palace Party. But even though he was content to have his family around, he still felt empty. Like there was a deep hole in his chest. He couldn’t seem to muster the energy to smile or laugh or play or enjoy the time he had with his loved ones. In fact, there weren’t a lot of emotions he was feeling these last couple of days. He thought he felt a version of happiness now. But it was closer to the ghost of being happy. It was like he was remembering what happy felt like, instead of actually feeling it. He tried to focus on what was happening around him.

Logan and Roman were on the floor playing a game of Smash Bros. Virgil was on the sofa for once, sitting next to Patton. Patton noticed that Virgil was looking at him with a face. _What kind of face is that? He is feeling something?_ Patton couldn’t quite grasp what exactly Virgil’s face meant. Instead he just smiled at Virgil. _Hopefully that’s right._

“Patton?” Virgil paused. _A pause means something…an emotion. What is he feeling? What am I feeling?_

“Yes kiddo?” Patton kept smiling.

“You’re not ok, are you?” The way he asked the question left Patton with little wiggle room to brush it off without lying outright. Logan paused the game, causing a disgruntled nose from Roman, until he turned and really looked at Patton as well.

All eyes were on him and each face was saying something. _They are all saying something, but I don’t know what. What is wrong with them? What is wrong with me?_

“I, um.” Looking at each of their faces, trying to see what he usually saw without trying. But he couldn’t interpret anyone’s expressions.

“Patton?” Roman’s voice was less strong and clear. _That means something? I can’t tell._

“Patton, what is wrong?” Logan eyes behind his glasses were doing something. A _re they wet? What does wet mean? What is wet?_

Patton felt something new, this being the first real feeling he had felt in a day or two, and it was a little overwhelming. He felt like his head was spinning. Words were being said around him. Hands were grabbing him. Arms were holding him. Darkness was overcoming him. Voices getting louder. Arms holding tighter. _So many feelings…_ loud voices and tight arms persisted until, finally, sinking.

Then…

_Sadness_

_Happiness_

_Anger_

_Regret_

_Guilt_

_Tired_

_Remorse_

Patton opened his eyes. He didn’t remember closing them. He was in his room, in the part of Thomas’s mind that was solely his. He didn’t remember coming here. Feelings that had been unintentionally numbed where now coursing though his heart. Patton gripped his chest. _Too many.._. _Too much…_ Patton sunk out and rose back up into the common area.

Logan was there, reading a book.

“Hey.” Patton greeted Logan, with a half hearted wave.

“Patton. You are looking more like your normal self. We need to talk.” Logan put his book down.

“Yeah, I guessed.” Patton came to sit next to Logan on the sofa. Logan looked at him deeply, as if he was being analyzed. Patton realized that Logan was waiting for him to start.

“How long was I asleep for?” Patton asked hesitantly. _No need to get into why yet. That can wait._

“126 hours 30 min and 45…46…47...”

“Wait…how many days is that?” Patton cut Logan off from his counting.

“That is just over 5 days Patton. You have been in your corner of Thomas’s mind for over 5 days.” Logan continued to watch Patton carefully.

“But…wait. I was asleep. I couldn’t have been, not for that long…I don’t understand…” Worry started to creep into the edges of his soul.

*Pop*

“Your back!” Virgil walked forward toward the two on the sofa, and made sat quickly on the leather chair.

“Yes, I was just telling Patton how long he was apparently asleep for.” Logan recapped as he adjusted his tie.

“You were sleeping all that time? I thought you just ended up spending the rest of the week there. What happened?” Virgil looked desperate for information. _As does Logan really. They all want to know._

“How did I get back there?” Patton asked trying to avoid talking about what had happened.

“Roman…”

“I’m here!!!” A voice sung our as he rose up. “Patton! Your back! Blessed by my fairy godmother! You’re looking like your usual strapping self!”

“Shush Princey, we were just telling him how he got back into his Room.” Virgil tried to wave the exuberant Side into silence.

But Roman wasn’t one to take suggestions to be quiet easily. “The crafty tale of saving our overcome Patton? Well the tale starts at the beginning!”

Virgil rolled his eyes and sunk back into the chair. Logan likewise relaxed as Roman took center stage to tell Patton what happened. Standing in the middle of the living room he started his tale.

“I was giving Logan what-for in Smash Brothers….”

“If I recall I was winning.” Logan interrupted.

“I had you on the ropes, and your un-Ness-assary interruptions can stop.” Roman collected himself out and started again. “Anyway…Logan and I were playing Smash when he paused it. I turned around and you looked awful! You were so pale! I wasn’t sure what was happening. Logan tried to ask, but then you fainted right off the sofa! You just landed on the floor. We tried to catch you, but your breathing was so shallow and you were so pale, like you were fading away….”

Roman took a breath, while he glanced at Virgil.

“We didn’t know what to do.” Virgil was looking at this lap.

“We, uh, tried to brain storm what to do.” Roman tried to continue.

“We argued, for an unhelpful amount of time.” Logan spoke up next to Patton, looking at the wall, not making eye contact with anyone else.

“Yeah, we argued for a while. Eventually the only thing we could come up with was to take you to your room. We got Thomas to help. He said he hadn’t been feeling good since Christmas evening. He had been wondering if you were doing ok. We told him we, uh, didn’t notice if you were doing badly.” Roman looked at his feet.

“Were you doing badly?” Virgil finally looked at Patton in the eye, concern plain on his face.

“Yeah. I kinda was.” Patton didn’t want to admit it out loud. He hadn’t ever told anyone about his yearly funk.

“How so?” Logan’s eyes met his for the first time. The analytical stare was there, but softened by care.

“Well, it just…it’s embarrassing.” Patton took a deep breath. “I adore Christmas right? But there is always a letdown afterwards. I think of it as my post Christmas funk.”

“That is a very common feeling. In fact it is in defined by the DSM IV under different names. But essentially it has to do partially with adrenalin comedown. It is also a version of the contrast effect, where your brain becomes used to one state of being, then something changes dramatically and by contrast the two states are perceived as far more different then they really are. There is even an equation that can predict if you are likely to experience such symptoms.” Logan adjusted his glasses with satisfaction as he finished his mini lecture.

“So it’s a thing? That happens? To a lot of people?” Patton was floored.

“Yes. In short: It is a thing that happens to a number of people.” Logan rolled his eyes at the oversimplification.

“Is that all that happened to you Patton?” Virgil looked suspiciously at Patton. _Of course he knows there is more to the story._

“Well. No. I thought that I would try something different his year. And it didn’t work. So we are good now.” Patton tried to keep from seeming guilty.

“What did you do?” Virgil pressed.

“I thought it would be best if I could see everyone as much as possible. I thought that if I stayed in the living room overnight, that if any of you guys came back, or got up early, I would get to see you! That obviously wasn’t a good thing. So I won’t do it again.” Patton stared down at his feet while started to kick the wooden foot panel of the sofa with his heels. _I knew it was a bad idea. But I didn’t know how bad of an idea it was._

“How long did this go on?” Logan looked deeply troubled now.

“Um…since Christmas.” _Thunk, thunk, thunk_ went his heels on the wood.

“And you didn’t return to your room in all that time?” Roman looked aghast.

“Nope.” _Thunk, thunk_

Logan seemed to be doing math in his head. “We had sleepovers leading up to Christmas. Did you return to your comer of Thomas’s mind at all in those days leading up to Christmas?”

Patton only shook his head. _Thunk, thunk_

“Patton that means you went a full week without a single chance to recharge!” Logan stood up now. Patton didn’t look up at Logan and Roman. _I knew it was a bad idea. But I did it anyway. Now they are going to get mad, and make sure it doesn’t happen again. Logan will probably escort me every night to my room. He has a right to though._ He could almost feel Logan’s anger and disappointment radiating off from his left side.

“You must take care of your self! Without you being fabulous, how can Thomas be fabulous!?” Patton finally stilled, staring at his lap as Roman’s incredulous and disenchanted feelings swept toward him from near the TV. _Roman is right. I was being selfish. What I feel affects Thomas. I have to put him and the others first._

“You guys. Stop.” Virgil’s voice was soft but commanding. Patton felt Logan sit down on his left, and Roman finally taking a seat on his right. Both of sets of feelings were still crashing into him.

“He knows already. He knows he made a mistake. He said so, right?”

Login mumbled an affirmative. Roman sighed, “I guess.”

“Rather than berate him, how can we help?”

Suddenly the feelings he was getting from Logan and Roman stopped. Now all Patton was feeling was his own guilt and shame. Then like a strong smell in the air, a feeling was coming from the direction of Virgil. It was a whiff of worry, laced with the sweet sense of optimism. _Like the smell of kettle corn!_ Patton finally looked up toward Virgil. He flashed his half smile. _He knows what it’s like to know that a mistake was made, and dwelling on it doesn’t help. He knows the best thing is to try and prevent from happening again._ Patton nodded, understanding what Virgil did for him. Virgil gave him a nod back.

“So… what do we do?” Roman asked a bit contrite.

“It may help to gather more information on what motivated Patton to make the decisions he did?” Logan rarely asked questions, and this question was directed toward Virgil. Virgil nodded. “What thought process lead you to make the decision to not leaving the common room?” This time the question was directed to Patton.

Sighing Patton allowed his vulnerabilities out. “I didn’t want to miss out on anything.”

“FOMO.” Roman nodded sagely.

“I mean kinda? It’s hard to knock on each other’s doors to see if anyone wants to hang out when we don’t even have a room with a door. What if you guys wanted to do a taco night? What if you wanted to play games, or watch a movie, or make cookies, or do improve, or anything… and you didn’t think to invite me? Or maybe it’s too hard to get to me in my room. What if you didn’t want to make the journey? It’s hard for all of us to just go to each other’s rooms without permission, but how do I give you permission without you knowing you want it? And I want to be able to be involved. I don’t want anything standing in the way of you talking to me, or contacting me. I want as few barriers as possible between your want to see me, and being able to see me. If I am not feeling up to it, or something then I get to make that decision. But without knowing there is a decision to make in the first place….” Patton looked down at his hands. Suddenly a Kleenex appeared in his view.

“You seem to be leaking.” Logan put the tissue into his hands.

Wiping his eyes, Patton shrugged. “I just didn’t know what else to do. I always feel so lonely after Christmas. By staying here, where I am closer to where everyone might be, I thought would be better than being alone in my room.”

“But it didn’t help.” Virgil’s not-a-question hung in the air.

“No, not really. I did get to see all of you again in the morning. But none of you came back in the middle of the night. You guys were probably sleeping soundly and all that. But then after a few days I started to not…feel.” Patton rung the tissue in his hands. “Like I knew what I should have been feeling at our New Year’s party, but I don’t think I was actually feeling anything. I couldn’t…” _I couldn’t even tell what anyone else was feeling._ He didn’t say this part out loud. It was silly to think he could know what anyone else was feeling. He only ever guessed.

Patton looked up at Logan who seemed to be taking everything Patton had just said into profound consideration. “We need a solution that simultaneously addresses the need to recharge and the need to be available.”

“Or I could just not do that again? I could just go back regularly like I am supposed to.” _I don’t want to_ _stress_ _anyone_.

“We all have different needs, and we all accommodate each other. Why not you too?” Virgil said.

“Our relationships with each other have changed, and so the status quo may also need to adjust.” Logan pointed out.

“I guess.” Patton admitted reluctantly.

“That’s it!” Roman shouted, leaping up, knocking Patton into Logan’s lap, and his glasses off his face.

“What’s it?” Patton asked as he sat back up, putting his glasses back on.

“The status quo must change!” Roman started to walk purposefully toward the wall behind the chair Virgil was sitting in.

“Roman, what are you doing?” Virgil asked in a low voice, sensing danger.

“We should have bed rooms! I am going to make a stairway here, and it will lead to a second story, and we will each have a bedroom. It’ll be connected to each of our normal rooms, so it should be able to recharge us, but we will be closer to each other on the regular!” Roman finished with a flourish.

“Can we do that?” Paton asked.

“We have already done that. We created this room many a year ago, even before Virgil joined us. That idea is surprisingly well thought out Roman.” Logan did look gob smacked.

“Wait, each of us will have a bedroom…” Virgil started.

“The correct term would be mini-mind space, or mini space.” Logan interrupted.

“A bedroom, where we can go like every night, that’s not so far away from everyone. And other people can come to?” Virgil looked cautious.

“If I understand what Roman is proposing, the mini-mind spaces will have a fraction of each of our native energies feeding into it, due to the proximity to this current common area. There isn’t a way to funnel 100% of the energy to each mini space without contaminating this neutral common area. If we spend each night in the mini space we should not notice a difference in each of our performances. Unlike now, were each of us can take a break every few days from our parts of Thomas’s minds, we would need to be more consistent with our mini spaces. For instance: in the event of a sleep over we would need to compensate by utilizing the higher concentration of our original parts of Thomas’s mind. But on an everyday level I foresee this being quite a boon to everyone involved.” Logan looked quite pleased with the solution that Roman had thought of. Roman was beaming at the praise.

“Shall we do it then? Bedrooms for all!” With an intricate wave of his hands a stair case was created. The four of them went up the newly created staircase. There was a hallway, with four white doors with only a post it with each a name designating whose bedroom was whose. Patton’s was at the end of the hall way to the right side. A little blue post-it welcomed him as he opened his new door. 

_Patton’s bedroom._ Patton read to himself. _My bedroom. I’ll never have to be far away from my family again._

**************

Eventually the blank slates of each of their bedrooms were decorated to each Side’s personal standards. It was also found that the Bedrooms made a fantastic place to plan surprise events. (Patton’s upcoming birthday party was planned in Logan’s bedroom.) There were a many impromptu taco nights, game nights, movie nights, and other activities as well.

Each of the four found their own individual reasons to enjoy the new additions. Virgil found that the fraction of his energy recharging him everyday created a more level mood, rather than the highs and lows he had to manage before. Roman enjoyed the collaboration without distraction that his bedroom unintentionally afforded his creative process. Logan had found his bedroom to be optimal for discussing solutions to problems without the side effect of subduing another Side’s lenient characteristics. And Patton, naturally, adored being able to knock on anyone’s door.


End file.
